The Fight is Gone

I can't deal with anything more. I'm at my limit.

If I have another year like the last 1 1/2 have been...heck, if I have another day that is similar to the last 1 1/2 years.

I've lost my son, for all purposes. He won't speak to us about 90% of the time. He's always had problems, but now he seems like a totally different person in many ways.

My career...what can I say, 9 1/2 years with one place...to see the entire company just crumble has been heartbreaking.

I love doing foster care and can't do it any longer. I miss it more than I thought I would, really. I love having kids all around...and being busy running here and there.

And, I want my health back...to walk normally, to be able to lift things, clean my own house, take long walks, run, etc etc.

It's all gone and out of my reach. I no longer know what my purpose is in life. I no longer have a purpose in life. And, I don't want to live this life. I'm not going to live this life. I give up. The fight is over.

Life Changes

Yesterday was my last day at a job I've had for the last 9.5 years. It was an "interesting" day. The place has changed so much. It isn't the same place anymore. It was rather sad thinking back over the years and seeing how far the company came and then watching it's fall these last few months. I hope that they can pull through with the new owners.

So much in life has changed over the last year. It's amazing...work, home, children, health. So many losses.

Broken hearts

My daughter returned home from a week long camp. She looked so sad and started crying. She cried, hard, for the next couple of hours. She fell hard for one of the college - age counselors. She does that every year at camp.

I think its cute, to an extent. However, I'm also a bit worried. M takes someone (a boy) being friendly to mean so much more. She's only 11, but she's been like that ever since she came to live with me at 5. She needs to learn the difference between friends and boyfriends! I've talked and talked about it, but she still takes any friendly gesture to heart.

Camp

M just left for a summer camp. She'll be gone for the week. She was so excited to go, asking to pack over a week ago! She'll be going to church camp later this month, too. I'm already missing her, though.